Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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