i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
