"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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