I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
