I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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