My first STD was from a foam party
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
