You don't have asthma, your pregnant
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
