I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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