I am full of burrito and curiosity
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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