How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
4 words: hood of his car
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
