Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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