Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
it was like eating out sand paper
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
