If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
ttyl tear gas
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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