Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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