if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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