i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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