mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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