I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
