you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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