The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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