Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
