i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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