I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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