Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
