please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
