I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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