question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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