If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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