The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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