That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
