Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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