Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
