Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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