Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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