You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
