So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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