He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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