How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Randomize
