i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I understand Curling. That high.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
