I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
