My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
