Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
