we have pet lesbian snakes
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
