Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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