So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
