you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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