Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
