ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
too bad you live with your parents still
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
