you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
