It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
