did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
