Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
