Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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